A Broken Man

Tonight on Jake's Showcase http://youtube.com/JakesShowcase my video "Jake Johnston - "I've Got A Crush On Y-O-U" https://youtu.be/jp-AYABAQIc is at 207 Views 14 Likes 0 Dislikes.
The video and channel does fair to pretty good, it's been a while since I've had a day under 500 adsense views so that's a good sign. The channel continues to continue it's march up.
But can I last? Times have gotten hard as I've now surpassed 1 week of consecutive days at soup kitchens. The subtle nutrient deficiencies are starting to take hold as I slowly weaken and shrink.
In one way I feel more peaceful then ever, like at least I'm not doing what I don't want to do. My back continues to definitely heal and improve by the day as the network chiropractic is working wonders.
I'm calm, centered but still rusty with my approaches, getting them perfect and maybe more important learning how to read the situation perfect beforehand. I think the true centered guy has no problem with approaches, lining things up right, but me I'm still just getting centered, practiced and honing my skills.
While I speak of being peaceful and centered which mostly I am I can't help but ask, how did it get to here man, back at the soup kitchens, really, after all that getting sober, making financial progress again and your back?  Man, com'on man.
You see what I think is the big promise of sobriety is something called the "Promises". Basically you quit drinking you get the money you deserve you get the girl you deserve and all your hurt relationships are healed. At this moment looking at a soup kitchen dining experience, continued difficulty making a proper female connection and to top it off on on the outs with my family, it doesn't look like much of a pay off.
You could easily get depressed about it and I find myself throughout the day fading in an out of these depressing thoughts intensely for about 10 minutes at a time throughout the day.
I'm mad at my family for not showing more true interest in me without me having to always go out of my way and for letting me eat at soup kitchens. They're mad at me because I don't have a job. A job? Really the last one I had I got seriously hurt and am still trying to recover, for minimum wage and that took a year and a half to get. Truth is that no one will hire me for anything that would keep me self sufficient and I have given up thinking it's futile and ultimately damaging to my body and or my mind. Yeah sorry folks it's the worst unemployment rate in the city full of impoverished little jobs most of which I can't do.
Once I hit a million views here in London I can leave and go make a life for myself but I am entrapped in my quest.
Seeking companionship, seeking love, someone who really wants to be with me, like really wants to. I think I'm a great guy, with much to give, but my empty results at the moment, show otherwise. I"m A Broken Man Living on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. 
Have a Wonderful Day or Night Fans,
Jake Johnston jakesshowcase@gmail.com